babies and beauty privilege
When Greta was just 7 or 8 months old, we took her to a gallery opening. Everybody fawned over her, of course; one woman, a complete stranger, asked if she could hold Greta for a while. She ended up carrying the baby all around the room, looking at one picture after another, bouncing and cuddling and smelling that addictive baby-head-smell.
Good for her! (The woman, that is.) She knew what she needed that moment, and wasn't afraid to ask for it. And how fortunate for her that she found parents who knew she wasn't going to kidnap the baby and sell her into the Mexican sex trade — something that's vanishingly uncommon, especially at gallery openings.
We have another baby now. People fawn over her too. Folks just love to hold and cuddle babies. But the interesting thing is the difference. The moment blonde-haired, blue-eyed Greta was born, people went mad. Nurses in the hospital found excuses to come back by the room and see her. People in the Taco Cabana laid hands on her. With dark-haired dark-eyed Clara, it's business as usual.
Whew! A preview of coming attractions, for a girl who's already going to go through life as a second child. No doubt people don't even realize they're treating the two girls differently. We'll have to work to avoid a Jacob-Have-I-Loved situation.
Of course, ceteris paribus, both our girls will grow up with beauty privilege. Neither of them will ever know what it's like to be un-beautiful. The most powerful agent of discrimination in our society is on their side and probably always will be. Within that context, there will always be comparison, won't there? The traditional pattern is that the older sister always feels that the younger one is more beautiful (oddly, this is often true [although, since I married a younger sister, I may be biased]). But the dark-haired one often feels less bestowed-with-magic than the fair-haired one.
My hope is that both girls will understand, to whatever extent it's possible, their beauty privilege, just as my hope is that they'll have some understanding of the privilege their wealth bestows. They'll often be encouraged to compare themselves to people far richer, and have little opportunity to compare themselves to the ninety-six percent of Earth's population that's far poorer than they. And, insidiously, they'll often be encouraged to compare themselves to those a tiny degree more beautiful — even, and especially, each other.
My greater hope is that they'll learn to be truly eccentric: literally, centered on something outside of the concentric circles of our warped society.
Good for her! (The woman, that is.) She knew what she needed that moment, and wasn't afraid to ask for it. And how fortunate for her that she found parents who knew she wasn't going to kidnap the baby and sell her into the Mexican sex trade — something that's vanishingly uncommon, especially at gallery openings.
We have another baby now. People fawn over her too. Folks just love to hold and cuddle babies. But the interesting thing is the difference. The moment blonde-haired, blue-eyed Greta was born, people went mad. Nurses in the hospital found excuses to come back by the room and see her. People in the Taco Cabana laid hands on her. With dark-haired dark-eyed Clara, it's business as usual.
Whew! A preview of coming attractions, for a girl who's already going to go through life as a second child. No doubt people don't even realize they're treating the two girls differently. We'll have to work to avoid a Jacob-Have-I-Loved situation.
Of course, ceteris paribus, both our girls will grow up with beauty privilege. Neither of them will ever know what it's like to be un-beautiful. The most powerful agent of discrimination in our society is on their side and probably always will be. Within that context, there will always be comparison, won't there? The traditional pattern is that the older sister always feels that the younger one is more beautiful (oddly, this is often true [although, since I married a younger sister, I may be biased]). But the dark-haired one often feels less bestowed-with-magic than the fair-haired one.
My hope is that both girls will understand, to whatever extent it's possible, their beauty privilege, just as my hope is that they'll have some understanding of the privilege their wealth bestows. They'll often be encouraged to compare themselves to people far richer, and have little opportunity to compare themselves to the ninety-six percent of Earth's population that's far poorer than they. And, insidiously, they'll often be encouraged to compare themselves to those a tiny degree more beautiful — even, and especially, each other.
My greater hope is that they'll learn to be truly eccentric: literally, centered on something outside of the concentric circles of our warped society.
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