happy 45th anniversary
Yesterday was my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. As I get more experience in life, I notice more and more what I never noticed before: that my family was really healthy and stable. I say "was" — it still is, but during one's formative years, that's incredibly important. I see all around me people who have to get over, or who never manage to get over, their relationship with their parents, or, crucially, their parents' relationship with each other.
Of course, by the time you're an adult, you're responsible for your own actions, and certainly society is full of healthy enough role models if you bother to look for them. We don't have to live by the scripts that are handed down to us. But if by chance you are given a good script, then be thankful. The scripts that I saw played out as I was growing up were redemptive, grace-filled dances: healthy argumentation, dedication to making things work, an often unstated but always present faith that the relationship will stick, a hand reaching over to take the other hand.
In looking back over my parents' relationship over the 30 or so years I've observed them, I keep being haunted by a phrase Peter Ustinov uttered back in 1958, shortly after my parents became engaged. He was about my age when he uttered it, and he was talking about love: "a tender look which becomes a habit."
Of course, by the time you're an adult, you're responsible for your own actions, and certainly society is full of healthy enough role models if you bother to look for them. We don't have to live by the scripts that are handed down to us. But if by chance you are given a good script, then be thankful. The scripts that I saw played out as I was growing up were redemptive, grace-filled dances: healthy argumentation, dedication to making things work, an often unstated but always present faith that the relationship will stick, a hand reaching over to take the other hand.
In looking back over my parents' relationship over the 30 or so years I've observed them, I keep being haunted by a phrase Peter Ustinov uttered back in 1958, shortly after my parents became engaged. He was about my age when he uttered it, and he was talking about love: "a tender look which becomes a habit."
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